The Zodiac in a few easy sentences:
Aries: Do you wanna do something? Let’s go do something. No no no I’ll make the plans. Get out of my way.
Taurus: I just need my ‘me’ time. I need to feel comforted. Where’s the food?
Gemini: Hi! Let’s talk about all the ideas I have right now, but let’s not spend too much time on any one of them.
Cancer: Climb into my shell. The world is scary. I just don’t feel good today. Let's watch cartoons.
Leo: Admire me or I’ll go from purring kitty to roaring lion. Pffft.
Virgo: I feel uncomfortable. I hate everything. You missed a spot.
Libra: This is ruining my aesthetic. Fuck morals, stop fighting. Buy me Subway.
Scorpio: You didn’t call me yesterday, obviously I mean nothing to you. I hope you die. But call me when you get a chance.
Sagittarius: Wanna go on a pilgrimage to the ancient motherland to discover the meaning of life through a series of experiences with diverse religions and cultures with me? Either that or pizza and sex. Or just sex.
Capricorn: I just got promoted at all three of my jobs. I started eight tasks and finished all of them.
Aquarius: OH MY GOD GUYS I JUST HAD AN IDEA. Who wants to stay up for three days and plot the Major Social Revolution of the Twenty First Century with me? I’ll buy the Red Bull, you go find the adderall.
Pisces: Some of them want to use you. Some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you. Some of them want to be abused…
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